Ginger Beer

Bartenders of the USA, I know why you did it. I can't blame you. The 90's and early 2000's were good to us in a way that we never thought imaginable. The days of the 12 dollar tab and "keep the change" are over due to the new age of the credit card. I know that we collectively became bitter and tired and no longer wanted to deal with the bullshit. Could anyone really taste the difference between the home made stuff and the stuff you could buy on the cheap?

Well, the answer is yes.

I've started to get a bit of critical attention from the food and drink reviewers of DC. This is all well and good, and I recently had a young lady from Brightest Young Things come by my bar and have some of my ginger beer.  I have posted the link here.

The young lady came in and tried my Dark and Stormy. She asked me where I learned everything, and I told her the truth: someone else did it before Prohibition.

Now I have people asking for my Ginger Beer recipe all the time, asking how I do it, and what's involved. It brings me back to the time I spent in Central America, where I met a woman named Miss Helena, who ran her own little restaurant.

I had asked her for a soup recipe, and she happily told me the ingredients and method. I asked her if she ever worried about giving out her recipes, and she told me something I take with me to this day:

"Taste is in your hands, not in your ingredients. I can tell you how to make it, and you never will be able to. It's in your hands."

As I sat there looking into her calloused, wrinkled hands, I thought about what that meant. There was something spectacular about that.

So, in honor of Ms. Helena, I present you with my Ginger Beer recipe.

1. Get fresh ginger, and slice to about 1/4 inch width. Get as much or as little as you want. DO NOT peel the ginger. I know it will turn out brown, but the flavor is in the peel.
2. Add equal parts water to cut ginger in a pot. Make sure the water is cold.
3. Bring quickly to a boil, and add 1/2 sugar to 1 part ginger. Depending on the freshness of the ginger, this will make it sweet or spicy. Add more water if the ginger is too hot.
4. Let cool and filter. I like to run it all through a cheesecloth but don't feel obliged. You can simply put it through a siv.
5. Add in about 1/4 cup lemon juice. Taste and decide for yourself. Bear in mind that carbonation changes the flavor and sharpens sugar and reduces lemon - at least in my taste bud's opinion. Make it your own.
6. Carbonate. I use ISI tanks with chargers, but I hear good things about the Soda Stream systems.

Always remember, make it your own. Don't be afraid to spice or get creative.

After all, the taste is in your hands.

Stay Thirsty,
Eric

Dear White People:

My life changed, much like yours, on 9/11/2001. All of a sudden, "Middle Eastern" became a bad word. Previously misunderstood Muslims were now the enemy, and Arabs were generally vilified. Most Americans couldn't find the Gaza Strip on a map, let alone comprehend the complexities of the politics and [insert another fancy word for bullshit] that are happening over there. My own politics aside, there is something interesting about my life today that goes back to the event that took place on that fateful morning when I sat in first period biology. I have something to say to every white American reader:

White people, stop being scared of middle eastern food.

Seriously, this is getting a bit ridiculous. Enjoying beef shawarma will not bring a jihad on your head. I laugh every time a middle eastern restaurant calls it's food "Mediterranean" because "middle eastern" can scare off potential guests to your restaurant.

I manage a restaurant that serves middle eastern food. I've eaten food from almost every corner of the planet. Anyone who knows me knows that I used to be in very good shape, but have long since decided that a life spent on a diet is not for me. Give me Reeash, (or lamb chops). Pile on the hummus with fresh baked bread. Bathe me in garlic paste or cucumber sauce.

Many of you have had a shish kabob, right?

WRONG.

You have no idea what a shish kabob is until you go to a real middle eastern restaurant and try one.

Basmati rice, just for Indian food, right?

WRONG AGAIN, DUMMY.

Basmati is prepared fresh daily to accompany our Bazella, which is like a lamb stew, and want to have in a horse feeding bag around my face at all times.

Anyone out there like their steak rare? Come and try Kibbiniya, which is a lamb and beef tar-tar that is not only delicious when eaten with fresh baked bread, mint, and radish, but makes me feel like an T-rex because I'm eating raw meat.

At my restaurant, DarNa, we balance this food that comes from a culture that does not universally accept alcohol with a bar program that I am confident is one of the best in the DMV. Ever have a cocktail with Arak in it? I make one. Come at me.

White people, it's time. I know that you're scared, but you can't be anymore. Too much has happened to continue to be afraid of our Middle Eastern friends. Many of these restaurants have been around since before you were born. They are American families. They just want to feed you.

By all means, be angry at the perpetuators of terror. Hate the extremists who defile the name of middle easterners everywhere. Blame Osama Bin Laden. Blame the Taliban.

Just don't blame the lamb.

Some recent press photos

Sphereification

I figured that it was about time that I talked about this little gem, so I figure, lets dive into it.

The Standard Bar at Darna Restaurant is beginning to get it together. These days, every restaurant has a craft cocktail menu. Many are doing infusion and making syrups. Some are making their own tonics and sodas, pushing the mark even further. The most innovative are bottling their own cocktails. The longer I do this, the more I discover that the most taste lies in the ability to create the largest percentage of the product that goes into your cocktail. Rather than using bottled grenadine or bitters, create your own. It is my suspicion that the next generation of bars will be using their own distilled alcohol to make a creation that is entirely independent to that venue. At least that's my dream. However, I moved into doing something that many have not. After all, nobody is impressed by fresh lime or lemon juice anymore.

Sphereification is a process that was invented by the famous Ferran Andria of El Bulli restaurant, who is, by all accounts, a badass molecular gastronomist extraordinare. He discovered that if sodium alginate is added to a substance, when it is introduced into a calcium bath, it "sphereifies," or turns into a sphere containing the original substance. Please don't let the last sentences fool you, balancing the PH and sugar content of any alcohol to get it the perfect consistency is no easy task. I don't know who the first bartender to put this in booze was (it certainly wasn't me...) but as soon as the dark side of the culinary world, aka bartenders, figured out about it, it was off to the races. When this process is successful, what you have is a little orb or boozy goodness that when placed in your mouth, you experience a popping sensation as the alcoholic sphere explodes. It's unlike anything you've experienced before.

Sphereification forces me to ask myself the question Bear, a close friend and mentor of mine, asked me long ago: "Have we gone too far?" He told me a story about going to an over-rated DC cocktail  bar and he ordered his favorite drink: The Pain Killer. After agonizing minutes of painstakingly assembling this Tiki classic, the recalled the best he had ever tasted by a half drunk Jamaican that was thrown together in moments.

Frankly, I'm not sure if sphereification descends too far into bar gimmicks (This is what I mean...) It takes away from the joy and simple dominance of a well made Manhattan, but damn is it fun. Rather than just trying to concentrate on the act of sphereifying (is that a word?), I try to focus on bringing this as a new element to a cocktail. For example, at Standard Bar in Darna, we offer a Kir Royale Molecular: Taking a glass of champagne or sparkling wine and adding Chambord caviar.

Don't understand? Neither did I at first. Come in and decide for yourself.

Stay thirsty,
Eric

Dancing Fool

It is a very rare occasion that I get to slow down and really look at things. I am often poked fun at by my friends and given sideways glances from my coworkers because I am often found with my nose in a book when I have a spare moment. Reading is one of those things that immensely relaxes me. When you do have the opportunity to really stand and look around, you should take it.

I had worked a full 14 hours and was clocked out by 11pm saturday night, but decided I wanted to stay to watch the St. Pierre - Diaz fight (Sorry, GSP, but you are a boring fighter; I don't care if you win, you still bore me.). I was posted up by the dance floor because it has the best unobstructed view of the  tv. I leaned against the stage and took the time to look around. Usually I am running around like a crazy person getting work done, but for the first time I watched my clientele in action. And I discovered a couple of things.

I learned something about dance floors and how they work. There are different characters and some rules of the dance floor that I am going to go over now, just so you're a little bit better equipped.

First of all, men mostly don't know how to dance. See, I don't care to dance so I do what I know how to do: lean against a bar and drink. However men that don't know how to dance but still want to hit the dance floor (because there are ALWAYS girls dancing, but we'll get to that later...) they have a few options.

1. The "Stand and Grind": This guy wants the reward of the dance floor, which is physical contact, without the work. He will wait for a girl to choose him, and essentially grind her without really moving his feet. Funny hand gestures are encouraged. Here's a useful tutorial.
2. The "Dance 1-upper": This guy actually knows how to dance, but beware, girls don't like that. See, women go to the dance floor to be seen, whether or not they will admit it. If you dance with a girl and show them up, you're shooting yourself in the foot. 
3. The "Joke dancer" This guy doesn't know how to dance but still wants to be out there, so he goes out and dances poorly. However rather than taking himself too seriously, he sees it as an opportunity to make fun of himself. 
4. The "Delusional Dancer," who literally can't dance but thinks he can. And if you read the first three and didn't think you were any of those, congratulations, you have found your classification.

I thought that all men really fell into one of the 4 categories, until I saw him. There is a rare breed of club/lounge goer that is out there. He is moderately well dressed, has far too much hair gel and I can smell his cologne from 10 feet away. He stand in a circle of 4 girls dancing and 3 guys looking helpless. As the popular hip hop songs are playing, he doesn't dance; he recites lyrics. Every now and again he mimics a hand gesture that he must have seen in a Lil' Wayne video (like this) while he is singing the lyrics. This was hilarious on its own, reciting song lyrics to girls dancing as they watch him haplessly, until I realized what made this epic.

He didn't know the lyrics!

That's right. After watching his mouth and listening to the lyrics at the same time, it occurred to me that he had no idea what the lyrics were. He was just mouthing words and gesturing. The words were clearly off. I could just imagine the conversation in his head, as he realized he couldn't dance and didn't know the lyrics, to which he must've thought, "Well, its loud in here. Maybe nobody will notice."

I did. And it was awesome.

Yelp

Someone posted this to my facebook page. So amazing I thought I should share.

Why I hate Yelp.com

Many of you have had those experiences. I know that I have. Maybe you've had one or two or eight more shots of Jamesons than you should've, and by god, you want your ninth. Perhaps you sat on line for an hour before you got in the venue. Maybe your food was served cold. You let your anger fester all night until you get home, and in an alcohol induced rage, unleash the fury of a thousand morons upon the venue on yelp.com. It feels good, saying all of the things you wanted to say for the whole world to see with no retribution. Right?

Yelp, in theory, is a great idea. However so is communism. In practice, both fail.

I think that user generated content is great and a critique of ways that your venue can improve is invaluable data that can be utilized to improve your venue. The problem is that they let yelpers review, and many yelpers are morons. At least food reviewers know a little something about food.

The most interesting thing about yelp is the filter that they have. You see, when you submit a review, it stays for a bit and then either disappears or is kept. The problem is that the filtration process is entirely arbitrary. A 1 star from someone with 2 reviews can stay, and a 5 star from someone with two reviews can go. There is no set rules in yelp. I never knew why until I discovered that it was because they practice extortion. Yelp will call you after about 6 months and ask you to spend over $3,000 a year on "premium yelp," which essentially means that they give you some advertised hits and you have an "account manager" who takes care of your bad reviews. If you don't fork over the money, suddenly your good reviews get filtered and your bad ones stay. These guys are crooks. Yes, yelp.com, I'm talking to you. Moving on.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't yelp if you get bad service because that is an absurd notion. I am; however, saying that there are some ridiculous things that are simply your own fault that you need to own up. I can't tell you how many people gave me a bad review because they couldn't get in a club I was bartending or managing. How do you review a club that you're not dressed well enough to enter?

Sometimes when you work you get someone calling you out by name. Now, since I was an adolescent, my personality lends itself to people either loving or hating me with very little room in between. Typically it is the latter. This is because I am somewhat abrasive, sarcastic to a fault, and have a pension for sharp retorts. Luckily for me, there are many people who appreciate my personality and love me as a bartender. The following; however, are my top 5 favorite complaints on Yelp.com. None of these have been fabricated or edited, and come from work at 4 different venues.

5. "Second, you have no sensitivity training."
That is correct. I don't. That is one of the exact reasons that I choose to work in the field that I do rather than corporate America. If I worked in a cubicle, I couldn't tell you that you were being an idiot when you were. Forgive me if rather than bowing and scraping because of some illegitimate claim, (her complaints were amazing. To add to her credibility, this woman spelled 'bourgie' as 'boushey' when referring to herself; I suppose the elite are never taught to spell?) I tell you that you are being unreasonable. I don't apologize when I have nothing to apologize for. Not sorry.

4."The skinhead bartender makes a strong drink but seems to yell a lot. Is he drunk?"
Wow. Listen, lady. I am not a vain man, so I will never spend money on keeping my hair line from marching steadily to the back of my head, but skinhead is quite a leap from 'balding guy.' And guilty, I do yell a lot. That is because the music is very loud in a club, and unless we both learn sign language in the next 15 seconds, I will make no money and you will be very thirsty.

 And I wasn't drunk. Maybe.

3. "...cannot believe the nerve of that bartender. my husband asked for an old fashioned with oranges, and he just said no! Instead he brought over an old fashioned and said it's the only one he knows how to make. Luckily, my husband said it was the best old fashioned he ever had.
First of all, I kind of understand this point. I know I shouldn't do this sort of thing, but I just enjoy it too much. Most Old Fashioned's are made too damn sweet (STOP MUDDLING CHERRIES, ASSHOLES!) and I think my recipe is better than most. I sometimes make people stuff they didn't order, but almost always get a super positive reaction. But what blew my mind about this review is that she gave me ONE STAR. She said I made her husband the best cocktail he had ever had, and I get one star! Unbelievable. 

2. "Eric is like hot girls at the club. They're really annoying but really hot so whatever. He is a dick but he makes a good drink so I put up with it, and keep coming back."
I actually thought I had a much better relationship with this guy (Hi, Mark...) but that's ok. I was a bit disappointed that they didn't take the analogy further, though. If it were me, I would say something to the effect of "Eric is like a hot girl; he is just after your money and will do anything to get it." This is my second favorite simply because it's true. This felt more like a compliment.

1. "not to mention that if you complain about anything in this place the manager or the owner are the most ass holes on this earth."
This is by far and away my favorite insult about me. Cast aside the obvious, that I am an asshole, but just the grammatical structure of this sentence is legendary. Whenever I am having a bad day, I simply read this sentence and erupt in laughter. It doesn't get any better than this. I am having a t-shirt made with this on the front. A+.

The lesson, my friends, is think before you yelp. I would love to close and say it is because of a quote like "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle," but frankly, it's just because I only have so much room in my wardrobe for amazingly stupid statements you write that I make into t-shirts.

Stay thirsty,
"the most ass hole on this earth"