One of my first regulars died yesterday.

Life is a continuous balance of comedy and tragedy; something that we must all deal and cope with. It's funny how things end up. Some people are just taken too soon.

As a bartender, your financial success in the industry is predicated on building "regulars," or people who come to see you at least once a week. When I first started bartending in DC, I could make drinks faster than anyone I worked with and was really starting to come into my own creatively, but had trouble, much as I did when I was younger, "playing with others." In short, I was an asshole.

Now, the concept of a "regular" feels really wrong at first. It feels as if both parties are pretending. I am pretending to care about who you are and you are pretending that you believe that I care. The suspension of disbelief by both parties is just ridiculous. I, your bartender, begin to memorize facts about you, much like I would with a real friend, make sure I know your drink and your name and your likes and dislikes, and in return, you give me money. Yes, this feels absurd. Then something funny happens.

At some point, you look forward to seeing your regulars. While you were taking the time to learn details about them, they were doing the same, and in some way you have created a bond, and the money doesn't feel awkward; its an understanding.  I'm not explaining it right but if you've ever had a regular, you understand.

Val was one of my first regulars. She was good friends with a girl I was serving with, and always had a smile on her face. I was told on Friday that she was in a terrible accident. I only had drinks with her in a group of larger friends a handful of times, but she would come to every single place I worked at and grab a drink. Say hello, catch up, and let me know what she was up to. She asked my advice on the restaurant industry: (My response: Don't do it!) and would later on bartend at a mutual friend's bar. She would come to me later and ask my about bartending and tell me her recipe ideas and how much fun she was having.

To be honest, dear reader, I am not sure the point I have in writing this. It's 6 in the morning and I haven't been able to sleep since friday night. I've had more friends than I care to list depart this world before their time, and could not figure out why this one was so different for me. I'm still not sure, but here is a guess.

I see my friends maybe once a week for a few hours. Regulars you see more than once a week. There are some regulars that just annoy you, but Val was a friend. She was a wonderful, lively young woman who I genuinely always liked seeing. I saw her often years ago and less in these past years; I regret that. To see the outpouring of love from so many members of the DC community has been an incredible thing. It speaks volumes of her character and is a testament to her spirit.  It is my suspicion that I mis-titled the beginning of this post, and it should've read "One of my friends died yesterday."

Val, we all wish you well upon your journey. I'll make sure I have a shot out there waiting for you.

For any who read this and knew Val, my deepest condolences on your loss and my kindest regards to your family. I hope that you all find comfort; I am thinking of you all.


-E