Dancing Fool

It is a very rare occasion that I get to slow down and really look at things. I am often poked fun at by my friends and given sideways glances from my coworkers because I am often found with my nose in a book when I have a spare moment. Reading is one of those things that immensely relaxes me. When you do have the opportunity to really stand and look around, you should take it.

I had worked a full 14 hours and was clocked out by 11pm saturday night, but decided I wanted to stay to watch the St. Pierre - Diaz fight (Sorry, GSP, but you are a boring fighter; I don't care if you win, you still bore me.). I was posted up by the dance floor because it has the best unobstructed view of the  tv. I leaned against the stage and took the time to look around. Usually I am running around like a crazy person getting work done, but for the first time I watched my clientele in action. And I discovered a couple of things.

I learned something about dance floors and how they work. There are different characters and some rules of the dance floor that I am going to go over now, just so you're a little bit better equipped.

First of all, men mostly don't know how to dance. See, I don't care to dance so I do what I know how to do: lean against a bar and drink. However men that don't know how to dance but still want to hit the dance floor (because there are ALWAYS girls dancing, but we'll get to that later...) they have a few options.

1. The "Stand and Grind": This guy wants the reward of the dance floor, which is physical contact, without the work. He will wait for a girl to choose him, and essentially grind her without really moving his feet. Funny hand gestures are encouraged. Here's a useful tutorial.
2. The "Dance 1-upper": This guy actually knows how to dance, but beware, girls don't like that. See, women go to the dance floor to be seen, whether or not they will admit it. If you dance with a girl and show them up, you're shooting yourself in the foot. 
3. The "Joke dancer" This guy doesn't know how to dance but still wants to be out there, so he goes out and dances poorly. However rather than taking himself too seriously, he sees it as an opportunity to make fun of himself. 
4. The "Delusional Dancer," who literally can't dance but thinks he can. And if you read the first three and didn't think you were any of those, congratulations, you have found your classification.

I thought that all men really fell into one of the 4 categories, until I saw him. There is a rare breed of club/lounge goer that is out there. He is moderately well dressed, has far too much hair gel and I can smell his cologne from 10 feet away. He stand in a circle of 4 girls dancing and 3 guys looking helpless. As the popular hip hop songs are playing, he doesn't dance; he recites lyrics. Every now and again he mimics a hand gesture that he must have seen in a Lil' Wayne video (like this) while he is singing the lyrics. This was hilarious on its own, reciting song lyrics to girls dancing as they watch him haplessly, until I realized what made this epic.

He didn't know the lyrics!

That's right. After watching his mouth and listening to the lyrics at the same time, it occurred to me that he had no idea what the lyrics were. He was just mouthing words and gesturing. The words were clearly off. I could just imagine the conversation in his head, as he realized he couldn't dance and didn't know the lyrics, to which he must've thought, "Well, its loud in here. Maybe nobody will notice."

I did. And it was awesome.